Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 6:55 am

Sonnet For My WifeIf Zeno's arrow hovers in the air,held in perfection, out of time and space(according to philosophers who careto argue points), then what of Cupid's braceof quivers? Wouldn't those...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 8:05 am

Nice, Vaughn.This employs a lovely conceit--don't see how a poem for a paramour could be any more romantic than this one.A few oversights to bring to your attention:There should be no comma after...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 2:29 pm

Thanks, Mu, for the proof reading. Glad you like the sonnet. Vaughn

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 6:40 pm

Hi Vaughn! I think you missed my last reply over at Blueline...(probably wanted no more flack about your first sonnet, LOL!)I don't know if you have a website...Anyway, I had prepared a background,...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 6:57 pm

Lary, that was so nice of you! How did you do that? Thank you so much for taking the time and for caring. You're such a sweetheart! Vaughn

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 7:27 pm

Glad you like it, Vaughn!That's the 'other side' of me - the side that saves my sanity when haunted by my poetry, LOL!LaryP.S. Homestead has tons of free space, easy to work with,and I could put...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 8:26 pm

Hi, Vaughn!THIS HAS STYLE! I think you can be most confident now.Such a wonderful couplet:"But, change and multiplicity are lies!I've seen the one true stillness in your eyes."Regards, Dutch

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 9:52 pm

Thanks, Dutch. I'm glad this one works.Vaughn

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 9:55 pm

Bull's-eye! Congratulations.

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 11, 2001, 11:30 pm

Vaughn,Well done. I like this one very much and hope your wife will also.The couplet is excellent.Melody

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 12, 2001, 12:31 am

Thanks meanwile & Melody.

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 13, 2001, 5:50 am

Enjoyed it -- especially liked "buried to their nocks". Nice image and wording.TH

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 14, 2001, 5:42 pm

Hi, Vaughn."I've seen the stillness dancing in your eyes."IMHO: No improvement. A bit like the Sixties revisited, as far as I can judge. Really out of place in this poem. Out of touch too with the...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 14, 2001, 11:05 pm

This is charming. I have nothing more to add!Julie

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 15, 2001, 3:12 am

Thanks, Julie. Dutch, the paradox is that our experience says, of course, things move and change. But, Zeno showed mathematically that there is no multiplicity or motion. My final line was a reference...

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Re: Second Attempt!

March 15, 2001, 1:16 pm

Hi, Vaughn!Thank you very much for your reply.IMO your latest alternative is, indeed, more to the point and, most importantly: less 'reminiscent' in a way detrimental to the timeless aspect of the...

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